This is a teleseminar I am conducting in early November, 2008.

I have been asked this question so often by women: How do I learn to say "no"? I remember a woman being very critical of me on an evaluation form after an assertiveness workshop because I hadn't taught her how to say "no". 

When we focus on that ability (or inability) it doesn't do us justice, as women. It raises the question that if we can't even say "no", how could we make the hard decisions that women need to make to lead and manage an organisation.

Saying "no" for women  is associated with not being collaborative, not wanting to help and support, not being there for them, not considering what others want as important. There is also a fear that it may be seen as being abrupt, aggressive, offensive, selfish, self-centred, too forthright and maybe even rejecting.  In other words, saying "no" is not being "nice". It goes against the grain of everything we have been "brought up" to believe is the way women should be.

If women can't and don't say "no" to some things, however, they also become everything they don't want to be. They become overwhelmed with all the responsibilities they have accepted. They can become quite stressed. They often feel they are being used and taken for granted.

I remember saying to one business woman who was trying to be everything for and with her staff that it sounded like she was being treated like a doormat. "No", she said, "not a doormat. I'm wall to wall carpet".

Women who can't/don't say "no"  can become irritable, intolerant, abrupt and demonstrate little patience. They are pouring out so much of themselves for others that they are running on empty themselves. They end up with little to give of their unique and talented self.

If we, as women, can come to understand that we need to say "no" to some things, so that we have time and energy for the most important things in our lives, then we can feel quite empowered saying "no".

That's the greatest frustration of women who know they need to say "no" to many things in their lives but they can't or don't. After a while they feel that most of what they are doing is not what they want to be doing, is not what's really important to them.

Sound familiar?

Saying "no" is not just about being assertive, it is about discovering what is most important in your life, what you value, what you want to give your time and energy to.

Then you say "yes" to what is truly important to you, what you are passionate about and committed to, what will make you feel empowered - either as a mother, wife, leader, manager, business woman or CEO.

For more information about this teleseminar go to my website

Bookmark/Search this post with: